One Year Anniversary

Today is our one year anniversary living in Japan.   In some ways it seems like it's been forever, but for the most part I can't believe the time has gone so fast.  My memories of our first month or so here are so foggy!  I was incredibly overwhelmed and such a swirl of emotions - excited, sad, homesick, confused, and trying to be brave all at the same time.  

There were so many times in the beginning that I just wanted to go home, or have John handle everything for me.  I used to compose about a thousand texts a day to him before deleting them and forcing myself to deal with whatever was going on.  It's been hard but it's made me a lot stronger and more confident.  I've felt confident and secure in myself before, but it's always been linked to a job I had or an achievement I  made.  This time, it's just me.  In the beginning I felt so off balance here because I wasn't working, and I wasn't sure of my purpose or my value.

Luckily I have a wonderful husband who is loving and supportive, and an amazing friend - Raku - with whom I have developed a pattern of daily life (and fun) that has been invaluable.  So here is something I've never said "out loud" on my blog before: I'm writing a book.  It's scary, and it's exciting, and in the beginning it almost didn't feel real.  Somehow it seemed like cheating that I was allowed to have all this time to just work on it - I didn't have to meet deadlines that anyone else set, or work a certain number of hours per day or week, I wasn't getting a paycheck.  Was I really allowed to do this?  What if it was all just a waste of my time and John's money?  It hasn't been a full year of writing yet, but at this point I honestly believe it's not a waste.  I've practiced self-disciple.  I learn more about forgiveness and compassion (towards myself and others) all the time.  I'm learning the importance of boundaries and how creativity can flourish within that space.  I've developed pride in my work, and I've developed pride in myself.  As hard as living in Japan is sometimes, I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity I have here.  There is almost no other way that I can imagine I would have allowed myself to take this risk.

In another year I hope that you're reading (and loving) my book.  But even if that doesn't happen, I'm really glad that I get to live here with John, have wonderful friends, and take the time to write - learning and growing through it all.

Tokyo Design Festa

Last weekend we went to the Design Festa out in Odaiba.  I wasn't really clear on what the event was - a craft show? an art display? a giant convention? - but it seemed like something interesting to do anyway.  It was so fun though, I'm really glad we went!

In a big convention center the space is broken up into little booths that people can sign up for, and what they do there is sort of up to them.  Some people sell their wares, others spend the whole time actively creating art - painting or drawing, etc.  Some people are working on projects while selling their stuff.  It was really interesting to walk around and see so many things going on. We even did a little early Christmas shopping.

Meanwhile there's an outdoor stage with bands performing and an indoor area with dances, fashion shows, etc.  We even saw one group do a choreographed unicycle routine.  There are a lot of people and a lot going on, but it doesn't feel uncomfortably crowded the way so many events and festivals can.  Definitely something I would do again.

Milestones

Yesterday John and I were watching the final game of the Japan Series (the Tohoku Eagles beat the Tokyo Giants) and I understood all of the dialogue during one of the commercials.  It was a great feeling.  A week ago John and I were out having dinner and we had an entire conversation in Japanese. Granted it was very short, but it was just us joking around in a completely natural way.  It's so exciting to have these moments when I can really recognize the progress I'm making.

I've recently started studying again, and I can already tell the difference it's making.  I quit studying almost immediately after we arrived, and looking back it was definitely a defense mechanism.  I was so overwhelmed and intimidated when we got here.  By refusing to try there was no way I could fail - this way at least I was in control of my inability to speak or read.  While it was probably something that I needed to do in the beginning I'm feeling my more settled and secure in my life and I'm ready to start learning again.  It's not easy and it's usually frustrating, but I think it will be worth it.  Otherwise it's been a good week.

Watch out for perverts on the train!

Healthy homemade lunch with Raku

Holiday cups arrived November 1

Halloween Photo Shoot

Happy Halloween! Is there anything better than a holiday when you and a friend can dress up and have a hilarious photo shoot? Well, I guess I don't really need a holiday for that. Back when my sister was visiting she, Raku, and I all bought matching cat shirts for 500 yen at Uniqlo. Honestly there are not that many occasions that we find to wear them together (though we try!) but using them as cat costumes seemed perfect. We waited too long and missed our chance to buy cat ears, but made some pretty great ones using construction paper and headbands. Then we spent a good 20 minutes coming up with our best cat poses.

Speaking of holidays, John told me that on the way to work he saw Christmas wreaths up!

By the way, I don't know if you can tell in the pictures, but I got a haircut earlier this week. It's not much shorter, but it has lots of layers in it now. I wish I was more creative about styling my hair. Where do people get all their cute ideas?

Crock Pot Pumpkin Bread

Did you know you can bake in a crock pot? Move over rice cooker, I have a new (much more successful) BFF in the kitchen. Now that it's really fall I've been wanting to make pumpkin bread, and I came across a recipe to make it in a crock pot. I was pretty sure it would be a disaster like more than half of my rice cooker baking attempts are, but it worked like a dream!

You put the batter in a small loaf pan, and then the loaf pan sits in a water bath inside the crockpot to bake. Paper towels absorb the moisture as it cooks (genius!) so that it doesn't turn mushy and gross. When it was finished I was worried that the top looked too soft, but it was cooked all the way through, and even my toughest critic (my charming husband) liked it! I can't wait to make it again.

Yummy batter

Fingers crossed!

Will this really work?

Success!

Going with the Flow

Are you very good at going with the flow? I'm trying to get better at it. When we first moved here I felt so out of control. Everything was so hard - I had the responsibilities of an adult, but what felt like the abilities of a very young child. As a coping mechanism I tried so hard to plan ahead and be in control of every small thing in my life that I could. In the beginning that was really helpful for me, but lately I've been thinking I need to relax a little more. I've found that I'm becoming resistant to change, something I never would have expected a year ago.

I know it's still more than a month away, but since September I've been trying to figure out what to do for Thanksgiving this year. It's easy to stress yourself out doing obsessive research and trying to make a plan to recreate a perfect experience. It makes you evaluate how important certain things are. Is having a "normal" Thanksgiving a way to hold on to treasured memories and traditions? Or is it a way to try and pretend that life hasn't really changed since moving here?

Yesterday I went to Costco and was delighted to discover they are selling pumpkin pies! A piece of my Thanksgiving plan was falling into place!  But, it turns out that Costco Japan carries pumpkin pie in October, and by November they're probably out of stock. I guess it's a Halloween thing? After some debating in the store, I realized that rather than being disappointed that I wouldn't be able to come get one for Thanksgiving I should be excited that I have the opportunity to have it all. And that what's really important to me about Thanksgiving is spending time with people that I care about, sharing laughter and delicious food, whether it's traditional or not. Even if it's not on the 4th Thursday of November.

So last night we had pumpkin pie, and I was thankful to be able to share a fall dessert with friends. Full disclosure - I bought a second pie and put it in the freezer for Thanksgiving. I guess I haven't completely let go yet.

Costco Pumpkin Pie

Updated Blog

Many thanks to John for helping give my blog a much needed facelift, the perfect activity for a cold and rainy autumn afternoon.

The banner picture is a photo that my Great Aunt took in Japan in 1958, most likely in Shizuoka prefecture. She was such an amazing lady, traveling all over the world by herself so long ago.   When she went somewhere she really explored too, getting well off the beaten path. I'm always inspired by her fearlessness.  The women in this picture are spreading out shrimp to dry in the sun. Can you imagine how much their backs must have ached at the end of the day?  In the background is Mt. Fuji - I still haven't seen it that closely yet.

I think last weekend was the dying breath of summer. It's been getting cooler, and we are finally sleeping without the air conditioning. I've had it off during the day for weeks, but it's just been too hot and stuffy at night. A very few leaves are beginning to turn, and apples are everywhere in the grocery stores now. Later this week I'm going to try a pumpkin bread recipe in my crockpot, if it's not a total disaster I plan to blog about it.